A few months ago, I never would have thought the Coronavirus pandemic would have gotten nearly as bad as it has. In fact, I was one of those people with my wallet ready planning to take advantage of the dwindling flight prices. Fast forward a few months and now the thought of me travelling anywhere more than 15 minutes away from my own house terrifies me.

I shouldn’t be complaining though. I am in a good position when I know there are so many others who are not. I still have two sources of income and I am stuck in my house with two loving parents, tons of books, and (for the most part) a good Wi-Fi connection. This is not the case for a lot of people and I am very aware of that.

So, if anyone is reading this, this is not a blog post of how bad I think I have it. These are just simply my thoughts and what my mindset has been during the pandemic so far.

On a good day (much like today, so far – April 13, 2020), I wake up and try to forget about the current state of the world. I come downstairs for breakfast without my phone (to avoid seeing the news), make some sort of hot drink, and either enjoy the company of my parents or myself. Then, I do homework for the rest of the morning, and then in the afternoon I spend time at one of my part-time jobs (I work as a student copywriter for the MSA at Mohawk College, and I work at a bakery). At some point, I finish work, have dinner with my parents, finally get my daily dose of the news and then retreat to my room for the night where I either read or watch Netflix. In more or less words, that is my life on a good day.

On a bad day (much like yesterday – April 12, 2020), I wake up feeling like I’m gasping for air because I can’t breathe properly due to anxiety already being so bad. This is also after waking up a few times in the middle of the night feeling terrible because of my own thoughts. Then, I make my way downstairs (still without my phone) and sit down to have breakfast. I forget to turn the newspaper around so I can’t see the headlines – big mistake because now my mind is racing even more. I have a conversation, for the most part in my head, trying to convince myself that nothing is wrong with me and that I really am alright. I am. Meanwhile I can already feel my throat closing in, and quite frankly I don’t even feel like eating anymore. But I still try to get something down. I then move onto the homework part of the day, where I still am productive but I’m also checking Facebook and Twitter every 15 minutes to see if there are any significant world or local updates I should be aware of. When I move onto my work portion of the day, this is where things take a slight turn for the better. I am a little bit distracted and I start to breathe normally. Then, I finish work and the news is on and I’m brought right back to the mindset where my day started. I’m constantly worried about my friends and family, myself, my city, and the world in general. This feeling doesn’t subside when I retreat for the night, I just feel even more alone with my thoughts.

For the most part, the number of good and bad days I’ve been having are pretty even. However, in efforts to have more good days than bad I have implemented (or am trying to) the following daily rituals which have helped quite a bit so far.

• Deleting Facebook and Twitter from my phone
• Only checking the news once a day
• Stretching
• Going for long walks
• Reading outside
• Eating healthier
• Writing daily

It’s hard to feel optimistic about the world right now when there is seemingly no end to the pandemic in sight. The sentence, “Don’t worry, this will all be over in a few months,” isn’t comforting because there’s a chance it’s not realistic. While this is incredibly daunting to me, I do find comfort in the fact that (while social distancing) from my experience people have been kinder and gentler with one another.

Maybe the trick to calming my thoughts is learning to be kinder and gentler with myself in this situation.

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